>>33926476Cinccino
I recall two major events, I'll keep it short. I remember my first crush clearly, she was cute, tall and very well developed for her age. I was told she was interested in me, and since I was also interested we decided to talk. We kept talking for merely a week, we were too shy and had no previous relationship experience, but it was cute, we had a lot in common.
That same week, my parents divorced, which made me emotionally unstable. I said awful things to her, which I regret to this day. After my parents divorced, I decided to live with my dad in another country, I said I wanted better opportunities but I really just wanted a fresh start; I knew I fucked up.
I lived there for a year, I thought about her everyday. My father got in jail for driving drunk, my aunt and uncle told me I could stay with them if I wanted to, or drive me back to my homeland. I came back, I wanted to at least apologize, see her again.
When I came back, I looked for her everywhere for years, asked her friends if they knew anything about her, but she was gone. Eventually I discovered from another friend that she had moved to another city shortly after we "broke up". I was devastated, it was far and my family was really poor back then.
Then I met another girl, it took me a fair amount of effort to open myself to her. We spent evenings together, talking but not necessarily like friends. She knew I liked her, she tried to open herself up to me.
One day I went to her house at night, like usual. She told me she was sorry, she couldn't be with me because she wanted to be with another guy (who lived like 3000mi away). Something inside me broke. I begged her for a chance at her doorstep, she never went outside. She eventually closed the door and that was it.
I haven't been able to connect with women ever since, and I still think about that first girl even today, even after 10 years.
Sorry I couldn't keep it short
