>>48518896Meh.
It's gonna sound autistic, and it is, but I have a whole world I created in my head centered around Pokemon. It's got numerous fleshed-out characters, plotlines, relationships, twists, and even adheres as closely to the actual franchise's established laws & canon as possible, while still being its own thing.
One of the 6 primary protagonists in this world is a Zangoose named Max. He's the character who, more than anyone else, I think I most personally resonate with. He's generally very chill -- a bit rebellious on the inside -- looks non-threatening -- quite adorable, actually -- and has a bit of a rough past. In the first half of this world's story, he struggles with a variety of insecurities and shortcomings, often finding himself to be the weakest link supporting his team, and having the hardest time being taken seriously by other Pokemon & factions. His development as a character is a constant uphill battle, and he nearly gives in at several points throughout.
He's special to me because I think he's the one I project the most of myself through. He's still very much his own character; it's not a Mary Sue situation or anything. Just, I've actually learned a lot about myself as a person through playing around with his character.
As for why I'm feeling down, I think the very existence of this faux-world is a symptom of the problem. Life is dull. It's limited, and people aren't very good most of the time. I have a hard time investing myself into real life because of this, so I use this second world as a sort of escape.
As a result, I've become more grounded in fantasy than in reality, and I think that can be a really dangerous road to walk if you're not constantly being mindful about it. Mindfulness can be so mentally taxing though, and just leaves you feeling constantly drained. College feels like a chore now, my future is very aimless, and I'm afraid of just how comfortable I am in my current position.
