I wish I had drawn more when I was in high school. My drawings skills were never that good, and I always had fear of my parents finding out what I wanted to draw. I never improved and now I am sad because I'm about to finish college, I still want to draw and I still live with my parents so I can't improve my drawing.

>inb4 just don't be a retard and they won't find out
I can't draw on paper or PC because I always get anxious after some time in and I have to just throw it out and/or do something else. It doesn't help that when I was in high school I was starting to write smut and drawing porn for myself, and then the school found out. I was sent to therapy for a whole year because I was going to a Catholic school.

After that I started to have anxiety attacks every time I try to draw something. Now they aren't that bad, but it still surprises me it's been 10 years and I still feel bad about it. It's something I literally don't wish on anyone else, being found out.

I can find some kind of detachment when writing papers and stuff but when I try to do something creative for myself I struggle a lot. Back during the pandemic, I brute forced myself to write some smut and draw some porn, I even published some online but I ended deleting everything. I just couldn't deal with the guilt, the feeling something or someone was coming after me, being found out even online, the sweaty hands, the nausea. I really wish there were a cure for this.

If you have any tips/advice for this, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.