Quoted By:
Does anyone have advice for what to do when you're watching a chuuba and enjoying the stream but the bad thoughts keep coming in? I'm watching the happiest thing on earth but I just keep thinking bad thoughts. Like how I'm still a NEET, or how my parents keep fighting all the time, or how so many of my friends have mental & physical issues which I'm powerless to assist with, or how I suck at fighting games. I'll burst out laughing reading things in these threads and have a big smile on my face and then I feel my eyes sink in and and my features droop and suddenly it all just begins rushing back.
Sometimes I lay in bed and a memory from my past plays back, and I have no other choice but to audibly scream to get it to go away. Most of these memories aren't even particularly bad, I just feel like a bunch of mysterious hands are pulling me down to Hell little by little and I'm powerless to stop them. Or maybe I'm already in Hell and stuck in a metaphorical Kinder egg, where the soft, gooey interior is covered by an inextricable wall of nothingness. There is so much wanton degeneracy in my life, which I don't have a problem with, but which I willingly put up with in order to keep up the illusion of this gooey filling in the egg. Christ, this is a terrible analogy, but hopefully it makes sense to someone.