>>25331347>>25331359It's insane. It happens every time I get a small slice of joy. When I wake up from a really good sleep, or on Christmas morning, or having cake on Easter, or walking out of the shower refreshed, or riding my bike on good asphalt feeling the spring air. My brain immediately resets that feeling to remind me that I can't feel that way, that I have a lot to be stressed about, that the walls are closing in - and even if they weren't, I'm still a mental fuck-up who needs to be kept away from people else he embarrasses himself.
Couple days ago I went outside at like 7pm to grab some stuff from the grocery store, and the cool midnight air and the dim sky made me almost hysterical. I imagined a fictional world where I go out like that to meet a fictional girlfriend. I constantly feel like my life has been stolen from me, and I'm watching a shell of an undeveloped man go through the motions. And delay the inevitable.
Worst thing is I'm running out of rope and might have to cranium myself soon. I have no moves left.