>>55570642A friend told me that the one of the most important factors to a decent fantasy story is the descriptors and the setting. Since it takes place in a world not like our own, we as writers need to clearly paint that picture for the reader. I think where some of your difficulty may lie is that you present these power elements in a very rapid fire fashion. Ayame's gift for example, a way to do that more gracefully would have been to make a small off handed remark by her back during one of the previous times she and anon interacted, just to give the reader an idea of what the oni capable of.
>"The bathroom's down that hall and to the right" Ayame says out of the blue, and she gives Anon a a cheery and satisfied smile. >"I say! You've been worried about that broke sole in your shoes for days! I found a new one that should fit you in the storage supply. No need to thank me!" Little things like that in combination to Anon's own reaction to them can better paint that picture, while at the same time, not having the reader have to process it all at once, since there was a lot to juggle with that small interaction you wrote.
As far as characters go, I can't speak a ton to what the real ayame is like since I haven't looked into her a whole lot yet, but regardless of that, it's always a challenge to achieve that balance of staying true to character, and how they would be because of their upbringing and situations. I'm honestly not sure how well I achieve this balance myself. I tried to focus on showcasing key aspects of each chuuba's personality and letting them grow more into some of those traits as the story goes on. Like despite Watame's shitty situation she was dealt since she was a small sheep, she retained this naturally bright optimism that is actually close in line with how the actual one approaches her life, despite her own hardships.
There are a lot of liberties you can take if you spend the time to set up the background and prior experiences. HoloX is a good example of this and the direction I'm taking them in. I hope that kinda makes sense and helps you out a little. You can keep improving, not even the skies the limit.
