>>14174145I haven't. I can't. And I never will. And it's killing me. There's only one Enna. It can't be anyone else. It's not that I wouldn't settle for less. It's that she's the person I fell in love with. What use would getting a girlfriend that's only *like* her be? It would only remind me of what I can never have. I can't live with the knowledge that I will never kiss Enna, or hug her, or cuddle with her, or take care of her when she's sick, or make her smile, make her warm inside, or touch her skin. I don't want a living reminder of it. And I don't want to involve another person in it. It's not right. I want to give me self to someone truly and wholly. I don't want to use someone like that.
So please, don't ask those kinds of things. I know you don't mean anything bad, but please, let me suffer quietly. Don't make it any harder for me.
And it's getting my throat cut open. I've always wanted to die that way. My blood would be warm, and my death would be slow enough that I would go into nothingness comfortably like into sleep.