>>61895816>lingered a bit more on his discomfortI'm saving the really gritty focus for the Marine shower scene, that and the ending which I already wrote in novel form. It may not work well in practice, but in theory what I'm hoping is that those few moments where I let the discomfort linger are going to really be a slap to the face. I can see why you'd prefer it though.
>Perhaps I'm misremembering things from the original fic, but I see this time you've gone with a different angle to Suisei, much similar to Reine in Sakura Summer.Yes. I'm giving her a bit more humanity but also a bit more sinister qualities so make it be even more stomach churning. I'll be doing the same for Marine as well when her part comes up.
>hat said, a couple of grammar/formatting errors popped up here and there. Could've used a little once over. Chapter two had a sudden change in perspective.Yeah I keep missing that no matter how many times I check it. It's so damn annoying. I'll look at it again.
>Other than that, I'm glad we're finally getting this as a series.I'm glad you like in the macabre way I was hoping people would. I was never expecting it to be a hit so I didn't really put as much force into as I could've.
I'm really looking forward to how people feel about the marine scene and the ending where Sora and Anon reunite. If you think this is guttural, get ready for something absolutely gut wrenching.
