>>41510339I think you did a decent job showcasing the the possessive and insecure thinking of a yandere with this. Your punctuation could use a little work though, some sentences were strung together by too many commas.
Overall I like the idea a lot. The premise that Mumei latches on to the first person who shows her kindness and is unrelenting in how she wants to just be near them is pretty cool. I think this could benefit a lot from giving more details to the scenery and going more into their interactions and even giving Anon's POV on the girl. Like I would have liked to see his rationale behind leaving the window open after a certain point. Bonus points for how much of an owl she acts like.