>>15100302You maybe right about cynicism being for weak people. I honestly find it much easier for me to believe the worst rrats about her than be able to accept the fact that she's really kind hearted and want to improve her craft for not only herself, but for us to enjoy as well.
I hate being infatuated like this so I pretty much look for any excuse to find a way out of as soon as possible. I've tried so many ways to try to stop it but it only made my feelings even more intense. I wish she did hate us, or even me only so I could just move on. But she probably doesn't. She can get frustrated with us sure, but not outright hate. And when she streams again, she'll apologize that she's been gone for so long just like before.
God I wish I didn't have to feel this way. It really fucking sucks. I want to run away from feeling like this because I believed myself that I could never feel like this ever again, but now I am and I just don't know what the fuck to do with myself. I foolishly try to think I could shitpost these feelings away, but it never works.
I just wish I could not be in love. I wish I could enjoy Fauna like a normal fucking person instead of having a fucking high school level crush on her. I thought I was done with all of that shit.