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I am genuinely healing.
I had a toxic relationship with Riifu. I lost sleep not wanting to miss ANYTHING. Waking up, checked chat, discord, everywhere, just so I could spend more time with her. I was in love with her. Of course, I accepted it wasn't real, she was just an illusion, but it was an illusion I found a spark of life in.
These last few days, weeks even, have been tough. So many new experiences; excitement, love, worry, hate... She made me a better person in a way. I loved doing stuff for her, for the community, talking and cheering everyone on, but when she took a break, I was relieved. Not realizing it at the time, I had burnt myself out.
I knew of everything, I believed it wouldn't affect me, but last night broke me. Hearing those words... I thought I was stronger than that, I thought I was reasonable, but I am inexperienced, immature, and unsure of how to handle those feelings.
I am sorry, truly, I am. I shat up the thread so hard, and said a lot of words I now regret. I don't know how you guys handle it, the GFE, the lovebombing, the illusion. I can't, not again.
Today, I returned to my old life, and the sun showed itself again. I am watching Skye on the side, with no feelings of attachment, just pure interest. The thread has slowed down, it's comfy, you guys are making my day better. Therefore, again, I am sorry. I lashed out, like a rabid dog with no regard for anyone else but myself.
I will be a better person from now on.