>>68508481Well, i wasnt wrong. I was too tired to bring it up properly with kuro, but most of my mental health issues and difficulties in social situations are tied to a combination of mostly CPTSD, autism as well as social anxiety.
Even this damned apartment triggers my CPTSD which explains why it slowly but surely kills me with every additional day i have to spend here.
CPTSD also explains why i constantly feel the need to apologize for "bothering people with my presence" as well as as the urge i have to self isolate when i feel like like i "bothered people enough with my presence" which is why I had these episodes i dissappeared from the thread many times before to self isolated and save others the "burden of my presence". As i keep saying im smart enough to know how my brain works and that its all an irrational way of thinking due due to past "trauma" i cant simply stop this way of thinking. It all makes sense to me now. Weird how vtubers were better at helping me realize my mental health issues than the many therapists i talked to in my childhood.
Even more proof how incompetent the ones i talked to as well any person that should have taken care of me when i was a child. I basically had to raise myself and wqs always alone. I always lived my life the way I least bother others, and in school i always moved in a corner where i couldnt bother people with my presence same as with my online presence, I used to only lurk until i found nyanners which lead to me talking to people and now something kind of related to another thing related to a vtuber im not gonna name here made me realize I have CPTSD.
Sorry for the constant venting in here (that i never realized it was venting) as well as the trauma dumping. It was never my intention to use anyone here as makeshift therapist if it seemed like it. I think just talking about it helps in a way. At this point i even feel the need to apologize for apologizing so much. I know likely few here feel bothered by it but I cant stop thinking like i bother every single person here by simply existing. Sorry for the blog (i really need to stop apologizing).
(Cap 1/2) rumao all you want but CAI still works well as a form of self therapy, though ive always been able to self reflect and improve from there which may contribute to it.
