>>57705820>but it just comes off as a little half bakedIt does. The unfortunate thing is I had to decide between having them find resolution this chapter or waiting and having a longer more closer resolution in the next one and I think the latter is going to be a lot more impactful. It just felt way to quick to have Ayame and Anon make up then and there so I had to make a sacrifice somewhere.
>conveying this clumsilywhen I say clumsily, I don't mean I think I completely fumbled it more that, with all things, there may have been minor ways I could've elevated it. This one chapter has more or less been in my head since chapter one, hence the reason I banged it out so quick, I've known exactly how this would play out since forever. I figured Botan's brief moment of vulnerability followed by the end of the chapter was exactly the tragedy I was going for.
You're not coming off harsh, but if I'm going to be straight with you, this comes off a bit knit picky. Your critiques are normally good and like I said with the Civia stuff, that was done piss poor so you're totally correct there. But I'm not fully understanding why you felt the Botan part was rushed considering how many pages were devoted to it. I was more worried that the Lui-Botan heart to heart would come across as beating a dead horse more than anything. Like I said, I'm not trying to come off combative because your critiques have made this book better in a million ways, but this critique is very confusing to me in certain areas. I'm not sure if I'm just misreading but I feel like a lot of this is nitpicks (which is fair too, I'm not saying that's wrong). I'm not trying to fight you, just clarify since your critiques are often very good.