>>61240354Hey writer-kun, cool to have you around with us today. I took a nice read of your story. I'd say the big problem is that you seem to have put all your effort on the setup for a payoff that feels like a letdown, not even in the selfinsertfag kind of way, just... The interaction is completely lacking between (You) and Shiori.
I am unsure as to how you came to conceive this story. I liked the idea you had for the finally, would be pretty sweet were it not for the fact that the date itself is such a nothingburger.
You have some nice skill, just needed to cook it a bit more! Ganbare writer-kun, hope to see more of you sometime.