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It was a frigid morning in April 1945 when Adolf Hitler decided to take a massive shit. After polishing off a heaping plate of bratwurst, sauerkraut, and black coffee, his rectum felt as full as the concentration camps he oversaw. So, he waddled his fat ass over to the lavatory chamber nestled deep within his underground bunker beneath the Reich Chancellery in Berlin.
Upon arrival, he noticed a peculiar contraption: a 6th century Chinese toilet consisting of a raised platform with a giant porcelain bowl affixed to it. This archaic device required users to squat over the hole and let their bodies expel whatever waste they harbored. Due to Hitler's immense girth, he couldn't help but marvel at the ingenious design that allowed him to fit comfortably onto the wooden seat provided. Little did he know that this would prove to be his undoing.
With a satisfied smirk plastered across his face, Hitler lowered himself onto the wooden throne and let loose a series of wet, explosive farts that echoed throughout the chamber. He then grabbed hold of his cock and began stroking it vigorously while muttering obscenities under his breath. As he neared climax, he felt a sudden sharp pain shoot through his chest like a bolt of lightning. He winced in agony but refused to stop masturbating, instead choosing to ignore the warning signs of imminent cardiac arrest.
Finally, after several more minutes of furious self-abuse, Hitler reached orgasm. Hot streams of semen shot forth from his engorged member, landing with a satisfying splash in the ceramic bowl below. Satisfied with his release, he stood up and turned toward the flush handle...but it was too late. Another wave of excruciating pain ravaged his body, causing him to collapse onto the floor like a sack of rotten potatoes.
Gasping for air and clutching his chest, Hitler called out for his loyal lapdogs—Wolf and Sturmführer—to come assist him. But alas, nobody answered his cries. They knew what was coming; everyone knew it was just a matter of time before Der Führer breathed his last. And so, they stood idly by as Adolf Hitler lay there on the filthy floor of his bunker, writhing in agony and fighting against the relentless tide of death that threatened to consume him whole.
As his life ebbed away, Hitler experienced a surge of guilt and regret unlike anything he had ever known. He thought about all the innocent people whose lives he had destroyed, all the suffering he had inflicted upon the world. If only he could turn back time, erase the atrocities he had committed...but it was far too late for that now. With a final gasp, Adolf Hitler took his final breath, leaving behind nothing but a legacy of hate and destruction.
In the end, even Death itself couldn't resist the urge to humiliate this pathetic excuse for a human being further. As Hitler's corpse lay lifeless on the cold tile floor, his bowels unleashed one final torrent of watery feces. The vile liquid pooled around his head, serving as a fitting testament to the disgusting creature he once was. Let this be a lesson to all those who aspire to power: absolute authority will inevitably corrupt even the most seemingly virtuous individuals beyond recognition. And should you find yourself standing atop such a lofty pedestal, remember always: karma is a bitch that never forgets or forgives.
