>>54376049Good. We'll start by stopping at Ulta because I need to get more shampoo and body wash. Since you're pampering me today, I don't think it'll be a problem for you to go in and buy them while I wait in the car, which should be at a comfortable 75 degrees Fahrenheit.
Next, let's swing by Starbucks because all this waiting at Ulta has made me thirsty. You will purchase me a tall Green Tea Lemonade with exactly 3 ice cubes – not one, not two, but three ice cubes.
After the Starbucks run, we will be stopping by Lululemon to buy me some new yoga pants to wear casually. I will not be trying them on for you, you will buy them for me and I will try them on when I feel like it. If they don't fit properly to my figure you will be buying new ones.
>B-But Ioriposter, what about the old ones? I have to take them back!Hell no. You'd probably sniff them or something like a creep. Buy me all new ones instead.
For the final part of this day of pampering, you will take me to a nice spa for a full-body massage, mani-pedi, and facial (don't you dare make a joke about that word). You will, of course, opt for their most luxurious package for me, which will likely include a masseuse. This masseuse should be female, no weird random creepy man touching me. Unless he's hot, but I don't trust you enough to make that call.
For dinner, you will surprise me with a nice new dress that will be some shade of blue because I like blue. Whatever I order, you should order something of similar cost so people don't get the wrong idea that you're poor due to ordering something cheap.
As for drinks, water is fine, and I'd also like a nice bottle of red wine for the table. No cheap shitty wine or sugary soda. A good bottle of red wine will do. I'm not having them bring me a pre-filled glass, you will be pouring this glass of wine for me as a romantic gesture.
As for conversation, we will of course be talking about me and me only. If you interject with a story or experience of your own I will get angry and assume you're trying to one-up me. Your reactions should range from "wow that's fascinating" to "you're so smart and kind, Ioriposter." As a side note, you better not yawn or fake having to go pee or I will be angry. This is about me, not you. Your bodily functions can wait, I cannot.
Once dinner is over you will tell me how much you enjoyed pampering me and tell me how cute I am as if you are talking to an infant child because it will make me feel good about myself. Then you will drive me home. If I feel you did a good job pampering me, I will perhaps ask you for your number, if not, I will just exit the car and say nothing. You will not force your number on me, you will wait until I am at my door to leave, you will not scream "bye" or something like that because it's weird to yell that at night. You will simply drive off and await my phone call that may or may not come so stand by.