>>65237077Wanted to get to this first since I said I would once the publish link was fixed.
To start off, the starting sentence: "It was just another night" is contradicted by the next statements, since the late decemeber time is actually special in the Jarkarta area.
I think it would also help build things up and set a clearer picture if you went into why MC is considered a black sheep in his family. Just saying he likes otaku stuff doesn't really explain why he would be ostracized. Is it more about that he's into vtubers? Or is it more about how he participates in his hobbies? Also on that topic, since Reine is also a vtuber in this story, wouldn't he be glued to his phone watching her stream? Or at least know her streaming schedule?
Grammar stuff
“That’s what happens sitting around for too long…” - If you are trying to showcase a specific accent,that's okay but this would correctly be something like "That's what happens when you sit around for too long.." and then maybe have her give a soft glare or something at maybe her husband? Something to provide a small context clue to the reason she might have lazed around too much, if there is one. “Heeeeey!” she responded jovially as she hugged her nephews. - don't forget the niece, she's here too. “Meh, not so much really…”, Basuki mumbled. - This sounds like it was originally written as an answer to a different question and not "How's school?" Overall I think it's got a good structure for building a story that aunt fuckers and fuckers of women with white hair, can really enjoy. I would also echo auntieAnon's feedback and try to show more rather than tell when giving the family background and Basuki's relationships so far. The scene where he is waiting for Reine to come down would be a good striking point for this to really give a preview of his attachment to his aunt.
>As his siblings were content to watch whatever landed on the TV's play reel, Basuki's eyes constantly traced from the rooms entryway (or if he can see a staircase or something, that's what the angel descending from heaven bit usually implies). to the TV, then to the vase that sits atop an ivory pedestal that has no actual function or meaning.>His imagination ran wild with images of his aunt, trying to guess how she might dress for the party. Did he look good enough? Was his shirt on straight? Oh crap, there's a mark on his shoe. Make your readers feel the intensity Basuki has towards his aunt and help them make it your own. I know you can do this and give everyone the peafowl stuffing they crave!
