>>63147935Thinking it over further, I do feel better about it, It's one of those things where it gets tricky around healthy boundaries but writing something and not trying to force or trick the people it concerns into reading it makes a key difference. With that though, I have to admit I do like the idea that Layna at least might have read or will read what I've written and really appreciated it. You know, really, really appreciated it. Filian is more the one I get concerned about with potentially bothering her if she reads something of mine but realistically and knowing her, I'd see her having two different reactions. Either laughing about it and maybe fuming a bit, she seems to get more bewildered and flustered by fan-works that sexualize her rather then taking actual psychic trauma from it. Still, what if It's something where she tries to laugh it off but catches herself thinking about it next time she has a pool party and is obligated to question her sexuality? If it comes to that, I suppose it would be better for her to process it from something like reading a fanfic rather then it be something that puts strain on her relationships with people like it seems it may have already done.
I'll be honest about something that I've already kind of let leak between the lines. I really identify with Filian on the basis of how she is apparently so conflicted. It's something I've lived with where I've had chances to be intimate with people but because previous experiences where not really happening with my consent being respected. I have this complex where some part of me craves intimacy but It's buried deep under layers of armored defenses because I don't know if it would be worth it to change who I am in a way that could be so drastic but also because I've been left feeling like I don't really deserve that either. So writing these kinds of things gives me an outlet for how I can lay out scenarios where someone with similar issues is put in circumstances where they are obligated to come to a resolution on that front.
