>>26352940It's ok anon, venting out is fine and I understand this feeling well, better to vent at some dusty corner of internet and strangers than rather to people who already know you closer and will perform their own judgements on you based on their shitty peeves (this is why I never vent to close friends or family either. I just infodump shit at any forum).
I'm going to say though, you do sound very depressed and one thing I know about Clonazepam is how it just worsens depression in overall. I used to take it, it's good to numb overall anxieties, but on long term it starts dragging you down as much depression does. So I'd advice careful with that clonazepam intake.
Don't feel bad about your autism, it's a hindrance for you to engage socially, yes, but even autistic people can be charming or have engaging traits just as anybody. Hells, my ex used to be super autistic and I still do love him dearly despite our relationship's end. Even if vtubers are just a distraction, hold close to your fairy oshi because she makes you happy (specially while living in this toxic hell house you're at) and if vtubers are a distraction that eases pain, then so be it. At least you do still have clear goals mind. I wish you the best, take care of yourself pomudachi