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Yes, I'm so insecure and envious I can't even properly celebrate Shondo's success.
While I could bring myself to physically go to a concert or a convention, I would not be capable of enjoying it.
Being in a crowd of that size is extremely stressful.
I don't have anyone in my life who has enough in common with me to go with me to something like that.
And anyway I'm anhedonic enough that most things don't excite or interest me even if the stress was absent.
I seethe with envy when I see happy people I know at concerts or conventions
not because I'm incapable of overcoming anxiety and taking myself to a concert or convention,
but because they have a capacity to experience joy that I might never have.
The best label for my lifelong condition that I have found is schizoid personality disorder.
Maybe I should try shrooms.