I just read up on the thread i missed while sleeping for likw 4 hours and sorry for the blog but to explain how dumb it really was, heres the full thing of me being stupid.
>>68348412>a couple days before grad announcement.It was actually 2 hours before it, so you can imagine how dumb i felt when i realized it was due to that as i was able to connect the dots when it was clear and instantly regretted not waiting before acting too fast.
I wasnt in the best state of mind that day (or the past month due to personal stuff unrelated to this), so my way of thinking was "she doesnt want them to be shared = she wont need them" so to give her some "peace of mind" that they are gone i nuked them, thinking it would help ease her worries (and it turn also unexisted myself in her discord by deleting every single of my posts) to not leave any reminders of the archive.
This was fucking dumb of me, i dont know what i was thinking if at all. I usually think about everything twice before i act but i didnt in that moment due to anxiety issues. Which was also why i was dumb enough to talk about the removal request MSM sent me which lead to pointless speculation and people blaming MSM or grimmi, so yeah i make sure ill never talk about stuff like this again, as it was unprofessional especially posting a screenshot of the mail (even if i censored names) which is unlike me. I mean 4chan is still a public forum after all. Im not gonna traumadump but end of the year is usually when my depression gets the best of me due to personal reasons, so i was already in a bad state of mind and the mail back then sent my anxiety to overdrive making me not think some things through properly for the week after, leading to me talking too much details. I still regret talking too much back then.
I should have instead waited for her to wait whats supposed to happen to the archive rather than do dumb shit like i did. Some vods got post (about 30) but im trying to recover more of them using paid software. Already was able to recover 10 more vods compared to the free software i used. Either way, it was dumb, but I wasnt exactly thinking straight and let anxiety filled brain do the thinking which lead to this.
Its mostly good now, some vods were lost, but i have 80% of the ones i deleting due to not thinking properly, so if grimmi needs them i can provide them and things can go from there.
Also, i dont blame people for getting mad at my stupidity as they were right. I still cant belive how fucking dumb i was. Ill likely never forget this moment of not thinking straight, so ill never repeat any mistakes regarding all of the grimmi archive and dumb decisions i made regarding that by talking too much and not thinking things properly through. Again, sorry for the length of this post, i need to work on not talking in blogs, due to overthinking/anxiety.
