>>51502967I have to agree with the anon in the last thread. This just felt disjointed even if the opening started off well after they get to town the entire thing just feels like events happening without the necessary reaction to actually make it have impact.
To compare with one of your previous fics, its kind of like the weaker ryona scenes in "Let Me Feel Your Pain" or "Brown, Black and Blue Because I Love You" where the action are described but lack the reaction to actually make them stick with the readers..
You really need to do outlining and planning before making series like this. I know you can write fast but sometimes you need to slow down and improve the events already there rather than rushing off forward into the next event in story. Though with a writing speed like yours you could honestly adopt the first draft and revise till it's good model.
>Botan's horseheh