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So as my loneliness increases with passing time Kanata just inhabits my mind. I've been trying to find ways to cope and I think I accidentally made it worse. One thing I think about is her grip strength. She's constantly touting it and proud of it. Several weeks ago I got a grip trainer in desperation; the idea was to train my left (non-dominant) hand until I was able to exert 50kg which wasn't too hard all for a youthful male like me. Once I got to that point I was able to give myself 「ザー・ストレーンジャー」with full force while listening to Kanata's ASMR, imagining her being the inquisitive and mischievous angel that she is as she touches me painfully. By the end I was a crying, quivering mess, listening to her soft whispers in my ear. It didn't fix anything and now I feel worse.
