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Precisely a year ago I arranged a system of reps to do and set some overall goals. Today I'm proud to say I haven't moved an inch forward in most of them. I'm as useless as I was back then. And my health was tragic. Also I've come to realize that my mental problems aren't something fixable and will stay with me until I die. Every time I think I had the worst year of my life, life decides to beat that record. I haven't ever felt worse. By any metric and logical reason I should kill myself, but I can't. I'm not allowed to, it's not an option. I'm in hell.