>>29488266I'm only able to really get along with women and the majority of my friends are female. The only guys I can get along with are fellow schizos (basically this board and /x/) and coomers, I try to be less autistic and more approachable towards other guys and actively make an effort to socialize and make friends but to no avail regardless of me being myself or putting on a front. Though from most guys I usually get called a woman due to my personality (I'm typically just quiet and don't really speak much unless spoken to or if I feel drumming up a conversation plus I dont really have much of an opinion on most things since I'm either not interested or just indifferent to most things in general). I tried being "less of a woman and more manly" by trying to have opinions and thoughts about things that weren't just indifference in addition to being more assertive but it didn't work + it felt like I wasnt being myself/genuine. I can't tell if the people telling me I'm like a woman and call me a beta are trying to make me troon or gay and trying to fuck me
While I get along with girls more I have problems with them too occasionally, especially they can apparently sniff out I'm into femdom and submissive (I literally never bring this up unless the conversation is about perverted shit which is rare anyways). Some of these girls (and even some guys, not always mind you) tell me I'm a cuck, I was born inferior and that I will never be loved and die alone
In regards to actual relationships and sex. The thought of me having the latter legitimately repulses me to my very core and the idea of marriage/having children creeps me out to know, especially the fact that I could probably create life because I don't want to spread my fault, defective and an doing the world a favor. The former just creeps me out because while I was in a relationship during my high school days (people say it doesn't count plus was basically pity dating me/only dating me because she owed her classmates a favor). I unironically checked to see if I was gay or a tranny in the making since people kept saying these things me, especially when I had a mental breakdown because my highschool ex kissed and my brain couldn't process it
Im more or less over my highschool ex but idk of I'm just broken and defective like everyone else tells me or bot
