>>69739455Alright, to get this out of the way, this reads really rough. Some of the dialogue tenses and choices have an awkward flow to them:
>“Meaningless…lifeless…” he replied in a dull tone. “But it's a bit livelier thanks to you, auntie…” Basuki added.In this context Reine isn't making his school life livelier, but his home / overall life. It might be more appropriate if he was like
>"It's kinda meaningless to me...I don't even feel alive when I'm there." His downcast expression suddenly shifts as he looks at Reine more. "But the time we get to spend together after I'm done makes it all worth it! Thanks for always being there for me." That would also help feed more into the later scene when Basuki wants to console her, to help establish he wants to return the favor in a way. Also on that topic, I feel like the "adult stuff" comment is an exchange that was in your head for a scene you might have cooking for way later. There was literally no reason for them to act mysterious on the matter since they only hugged. It almost comes off as a tease to the reader and not in a playful way.
For dialogue flow again, sometimes questions / statements are made and then immediately ignored.
>“What were you streaming earlier, auntie?” asked Basuki.>“It’s been fun, but not without its share of growing pains.” Reine began, “Ma wasn’t too happy, since she wanted me to take over PVN soon, but meh, not my life to be honest.” she sighed. Basuki nodded in earnest.Like Reine didn't answer the question in the slightest.
I also feel like I mentioned how the comment about "no males" thing in an earlier WiP post you made that it would be better to just be rid of that line. It doesn't really add anything and kinda polarizes the character.
I'll also agree with the other anon that Reine suddenly throwing the gauntlet down on the possible incest is just jarring. I know you wanna get down to plowing your aunt, but this isn't coming off as engaging or having satisfying build up. Yeah she's a little emotionally vulnerable, but the reader isn't given the proper background to how she would consider such a thing with her nephew, since before now, she only treated him with platonic responses. Maybe a better route would be to just ask him to sleep over for the night, and play video games together. That would seem more on brand the two, and things could eventually escalate from there. There needs to be some conscious thought of crossing that forbidden threshold.
