Quoted By:
I feel weirdly empty today, perhaps I have finally gone full parasocial or something; I miss Gura a lot more than I usually do. I sometimes joke about wishing Gura would stream only to me and being the final chumbud and stuff but sometimes I truly mean it. When Gura takes week long brakes It just makes me want to hear her and be with her more then ever. Whats even worse is that I'm not even all that interested in Gura anymore, I'm more interested In "Gura." These days I often find myself tuning out during her streams only to regret it once the stream has ended. I suppose it's because streaming to 10,000+ people makes her seem less special to me than when she isn't streaming. I'm just not interested in what she's doing on stream. However, when she isn't streaming and is living her day to day life; when she isn't on camera, I seem to want her more than ever. I know it's backwards but I get a sense of comfort just knowing that Gura is alive and well, on her own, but that sense of comfort or happiness or whatever you want to call it drastically decreases when she's streaming daily. Really, it's a double edged sword because when she's busy or something for an entire week, I get filled with an odd mixture of dread and desire to see and hear her but can do absolutely nothing about it. It's a weird kind of dopamine rush that once it ends, leaves me feeling sad, empty, and hopelessness but the burning desire to be with her never goes out. I'm fully aware that I have a better chance at winning the lottery than ending up in the same room with her, I know that. It's just that the emptiness that I feel over this has been extremely potent these past few days and I don't know what to do about it. To be honest, I'm scared. I'm scared that one day Gura is just going to vanish and leave me here all alone with all these feelings, every day she gets seemingly further and further away that the idea of her just disappearing keeps drilling itself into my psyche day in and day out and it's terrifying. Without Gura I truly believe that, and I hate to say this, would seriously have nothing.
tl;dr
I MISS GURA