>>25153975>>25154047I thought I had my closure, because after a very embarrassing love confession at 12 years and a period of awkwardness, we were on pretty good terms.
But 2 years after leaving school I started seeing her in my dreams and longing to see her again on a class meetup and she ended up living so rent-free in my head that I still notice myself whispering her name when I am alone.
I was just happy to share a classroom with her, to hear her talk and see her smile, and that was that. I never felt like I need to be in a relationship. Probably I will find someone if I try. Maybe the former is a cope to keep myself from trying, I don't know. I'm not looking for a sexual relationship, anyway. Lust wanes, loneliness doesn't.
Fast forward after an 8 year long-distance relationship and I still feel alone, always do, moreso in company.If I can't feel not-alone, at least I want to feel that being around helped fill the void inside other people, at least for a while, and being well-aware that my oshitachi will never know me, I hope that other people will provide love and friendship for them instead. No one here is going to do that for them, we have to find our own company in life too. So I cheer for them, I celebrate their success, and try to be glad that people such as my oshitachi can live such inspiring and illustrious lives, hopefully amounting in everyone finding their own special place of happiness being or watching them, in Holopro and beyond.
And so shall you. 