>>67382251You need to recognize how english actually flows in a conversation. There's nothing casual about the grammar you wrote, it's just clunky and misshapen. It's okay to project a little bit, it is fanfiction after all, but the parts your projecting are not presented as well at all. Instead of falling upon a metric that doesn't even really show Reine's strengths as an entertainer, have her nephew gush over her singing voice, how she conducts her free chats, and the types of games she plays. If you still want to include the topic of how Hololive is not a place for her to explore her love life, why not make a comment on if that's why she leaves to hang out with Kiara so much? Assuming he knows that happens / it happens at all in the universe you're creating. I'd also strongly recommend doing what the other anon suggested, read. Find some fics and try to learn what decent dialogue looks like.
