>>26331922Make it hurt? alright let me try
Picture this: you get caught sharing weed at school with one of your friends, are sent to the principal's office then to juvenile detention. At this moment I'm at my soul-crushing job at the factory dreading every second of my miserable life, I get a call to pick you up from the station, my boss yells at me then tells me to fuck off. I leave, and drive furiously, fast and with disregard for my own safety. After arriving at the police station and bailing you out, I drag you to the car by your arm, grasping it tightly like a zip tie and leaving noticeable bruising while you protest and kick and complain along the way.
The drive home is similar, with us arguing, fighting, and me telling you to not test my patience. We arrive at our shitty apartment complex, I slam the car door as hard as I could while you're still inside it, the hard metal clashes and deafens you for a moment. Right now all I can think of is puching you, beating you, figuring out a way to make you behave; should I make you kneel on gravel while I belt you? perhaps take you the fields and have the dogs chase you until you're tired then beat you down when they catch up to you? Maybe even submerge your head underwater causing you to grasp for air, over and over? I keep giving you looks that could kill as I force you through the hallways, up the stairs and into the apartment.
As we walk in, after slamming the door and putting all the locks through and through I simply lock you in your bedroom. All this while you're crying, but holding back your tears as if you're challenging me, you tell yourself you can take this but at the same time you wish you didn't have to.
I sit down to watch TV as I drink beer after beer. In a haze I stand up, my mind clouded, I lean on the walls as I make my way to your room, unlocking the door and moving inside with you. You're trembling in a corner, cowering under a blanket, you think I don't see you.
I sit down on your side
I want you to forgive me anon, you know I didn't have it easy when I was young, I had to work, I didn't finish highschool, I ran into trouble because of my impulsiveness all the time, I have a criminal record, I got your mom pregnant before we even married, and you never met her. I love you more than anyone else in my life. I could never talk my dad about my problems and he always made sure I paid for my mistakes. I want us to be different, I want you to feel like you can trust me. It's just very difficult for me to talk to you.