>>71366855Well that sounds fantastic and I'd love to be there to see it, but did you also have a whole bunch of cheesy garlic bread and a gallon of coke like an actual fatty?
Go for sodas, go for booze, go for empty calories.
Cook in butter, or lard, or beef tallow. Add rice, or potatoes to every meal. Drown everything you eat in sauces. Ranch, caesar, etc. Sauces will be your best friend to lard yourself up.
And then after you've eaten as much as you can, get a slice of white bread and use it to sweep up all the grease and all the sauce and all the crumbs and eat that too.