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After listening to the new song for a couple days and digesting it, I've got a lot of raw thoughts and feelings about it and Mori. A lot of what's in the song were things that could be inferred from things Mori and her roommate have already said in the past. But for some reason, hearing it all put into song in her own words really impacted me. I no longer find Mori to be an inspiration. She's beyond that to me now. I find myself putting her on a pedestal.
We joke about >haha dumb dorky reaper she's just like me, but I can't find her relatable anymore. Though, I don't hold it against her at all. In fact, I'm so fucking proud of her. She's someone who took a risk to chase a dream and made it through a combination of hard work, talent, networking, and luck. How many people are fortunate enough to actually live their dreams? I certainly won't. Not with my relative lack of ambition, current job and skills, finances, especially at my age. I can respect the grind she put in, but I'm also not going to delude myself into thinking any amount of reps will let me achieve even a fraction of happiness and success that she has. I know my place in the world.
The worst part is, she's still the same humble and kind person I fell for. It hurts knowing that the perfect woman of my desires exists out there, but I will never have a chance to meet her. I can't move on either because she's unironically ruined other women for me. But I'll stay and keep supporting my boy because that's all I can do.
I want to read her autobiography one day. Hers is a story I can see someone making a biopic of in a decade or so.