>>70150829Your prose is certainly an enjoyable level of flowery, but I would space out your lines and paragraphs. The indentation helps, but the extra white space always makes it look so much cleaner. The dialogue is pretty close to how the chuubas would speak, so nice job there. The smut itself moves a little too quickly and is too short to find any real satisfaction or eroticism in, but it might be more about the emotional factor than the actual act itself for a story like this. The subject matter itself isn't really my cup of tea, but I think you handled the after effects quite nicely. For a short little thing, not bad.
