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Maybe you're right. Maybe she is this evil, horrible person that puts on the mask of a sweetheart to exploit my feelings. Maybe I'm in way too deep and she has me exactly where she wants me or something.
Knowing what I know about her, that idea is quite difficult to understand and accept, but I also don't know how else to rationalize what is happening. If she is still extremely busy, then a single reminder from her would rip away a lot of this needless uncertainty. Maybe she thinks saying it just the one time is good enough and doesn't want to feel the anxiety of having to say why she isn't streaming more than once or twice. Does she think we'd worry less about her if she didn't share her problems? For me, it's the exact fucking opposite.
I'm just too autistic to handle this, man. I'm getting so fucking sick of anxiously hesitating to open Twitter or Youtube every afternoon only to have my stomach drop when I see that nothing has changed.
But I also don't want to give up on her if she is just a kind person having a really tough time behind the scenes. She's someone I love. Period. And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I slipped into hostility against her if she then eventually says that the backlash crushed all the motivation she had for being a Holo.
I just don't know what to do.
TL,DR I'm sus and venting