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God I wish I was in a toxic relationship with Zen where she constantly gaslighted me. She'd say she hates me one day, but the very next day she'll tell me how much she loves me. She would lie about little things like our anniversary date and make me think I'm imagining it. She'd ignore me and make me feel unwanted. She'd pretend that I mean nothing to her. She wouldn't want me around, yet she'd still need me. She'd blame everything bad on me, saying I made her lose interest in me. She'd try to manipulate me into believing that she doesn't care if we break up. That she isn't interested in anyone else.
She'd act like a cold heartless bitch while telling me that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She'd make me fall deeper in love with her, then make me doubt everything we've shared together. She'd make me question my own sanity. She'd turn me into someone I don't recognize anymore. A shell of myself. She'd make me feel crazy for thinking that there's something wrong with us. She'd make me feel guilty for doubting her. She'd play victim and accuse me of cheating on her with other girls.
And she would be right. I cheated on her with every girl I met. With every hot piece of ass I saw. I fucked any woman I wanted. But I loved her more than anything and thought that she deserved better. So I stayed loyal and faithful to her. I denied all the women who wanted to be with me because I knew she was the one meant for me. And now she's punishing me for loving her too much and for never leaving her. For staying with her despite all her faults. She'd make me pay dearly for my transgressions. She would make me feel excruciating pain whenever she pleased. She'd use whips and chains to inflict unbearable torments upon me, making me suffer. But every mark she left on me would be her way of saying that she still loves me.
