>>20368704It's his birthday, another year older... all of his friends have already moved on. He sent a superchat to his oshi, hoping she would wish him 'Happy Birthday', but it was ignored it. "Still a virgin... still a fucking virgin" he muttered. Laying on his bed... he felt desperate, angry.... and horny.
In a snap decision, he decided to download Tinder. He went through the usual account creation.. putting in only selfies because no-one had ever taken a photo with him. The hopeless man swiped right on every woman he could see, so much that his thumb began to ache.
Still no matches. "It's hopeless" he whispered, dropping his phone and nestling his head into the nearest pillow.
*VRMMMM*.... *VRRRRMMMMMM* The phone began to vibrate, he reached for it hesitantly. Unicorn was flabbergasted, 'A match... someone actually likes me?'. He looked into her profile, 'She enjoys anime... chicken nuggies... AND VTUBERS!?... this has to be a bot.'
Bot or not, he decided to message her anyway.
They went through the usual formalities, a line to gauge interest and subsequent small talk thereafter. She was still somehow interested...
In an out-of-character move, Uni invited her to hangout at his place... tonight. The woman accepted... perhaps too eagerly. He ran to the shower, he hadn't washed in weeks.
Now he waited, the anxiety started trickle in.. the adrenaline from the match began to evaporate. She was late, his mind began to race 'So it was a bot- maybe I'm unlovable, maybe-' *DING-DONG* His front door blared. Gripping the knob strongly, he slowly opened his entrance, like a ray of hope... there she stood.
A tight red and black dress wrapped her curvy body, her nails sharing the same colour palette. Unicorn was speechless. You could hear her high-heels click-clatter through the hallway. "Soo.... this is your place? It's super clean!" her infectious smile beamed straight at him. He felt a bit out of place when standing next to her, so beautifully dressed.. compared to his meagre attire.
"I-I have some tendies in the oven if you w-wanna grab some-" before he could finish she enthusiastically replied "UHMMM... YES? I LOVE NUGGIES" She walked up behind Uni and purred "We can eat them while watching anime or something too.." Unicorn was feeling much better now...a girl in his house, who shares his love of processed chicken and anime? There's gotta be a catch...
On a leathery couch, they both sat, a warm blanket covering them both. Uni put on his favourite comedy anime 'Grand Blue'. Over the next few episodes, they shared emotions... laughing along the way. He felt a warmth residing on his shoulder... the girl was now resting on him... her breasts mere centimeters from his body. In a breathy voice she spoke "Hey... do you wanna... take this to bed?". Like a puppy, Unicorn nodded with complete obedience.
He pulled out a singular condom from his wallet, he bought it years ago when he still had hope for himself. They began the dance of fornication, missionary position like in all those copypastas he wrote on 4chan. Surprising even himself, he lasted far longer than what he expected. The two laid together, both exhausted from their most recent exercise, out of breath she exclaimed "T-that was amazing, do you mind if I stay over tonight?"
In the morning, as the birds began to sing... Unicorn was already on his laptop... his favourite Vtuber was streaming. behind him, a groggy maiden rose from her slumber. "I-is that a vtuber... is that ni-ninisanji?" she drowsily muttered. In an instant she dashed out of bed, "Omg... you didn't tell me you watched them!!" she playfully chopped at his neck. "Who's your favourite?... Well I'll tell you mine, Vox is sooo funny and when he streams with Reimu... omg wedding vibes and the-" Unicorn brazenly interrupted her "I don't like vox."
She stepped back.. "Y-you don't like Vox... but you like Nijisanji r-right?". Unicorn turned around, "I only watch my oshi, I don't really like male collabs.. or males in general". She was shocked, "W-well I hate your Oshi... she's a whore! T-there I said it!"
"Leave. NOW". Unicorn screamed at her, no one insults his Oshi.
Ship-chan stormed out of his room, "I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING.... I..."
"I can fix him" she thought.
"Stupid sexy shiptranny" He muttered.