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Every night at around nine I think about all these Vtubers and get this really hollow feeling in my chest. After thinking about it for a while I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s jealousy. I’m not jealous of their fame or their “easy lives”. I’m jealous of their friendships. You see, I haven't really ever had any close friends because I'm autistic which makes it very difficult to control my emotions and do things like sit and talk to people. I’ve had my proposals to hang out rejected so many times I’ve just stopped asking, and the few friends I did have just stopped talking to me. It’s not like I’m disliked by anyone, everyone smiles and waves at me in the hallways. In fact, I can confidently say that nobody in my entire school dislikes me, but everyone would rather spend time with their closer friends than any with me. I’m liked but alone. I want to find some other people with similar interests which is why when I see a couple Vtubers laughing and doing the things I love to do with each other I feel sad, not happy.