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I feel like if I don't tell anyone this I'm going to lose myself so why not just put it here since you guys are the reason why this happened in the first place...
When Milord started streaming he was my everything I was so parasocial it was frustrating but what really grinded my gears was how close he used to be Reimu. I was insanely jealous about that it was so disgusting.
Then after asking you guys how to deal with it and with no success I slowly started to cope by simply self-inserting as Reimu.
It was... not nice. I started to unironically watch her streams, to support her, joined her membership and showed up to all her streams. I copied her mannerisms, her accent, her tone, her vocabulary, I learned some spanish and changed my diet based on her tastes. It was a complete self insert anything for Milord...
Eventually I was so into this that I could only get satisfaction from watching their interactions or collecting their fanart. I was shilling AkuRei here so hard back then... I used to write my own little fanfiction and in my madness I changed it I changed it to replace myself or my self inserts to Reimu instead.
I made a small shrine with all Reimu and Milord merch...
I shitposted against everything that it wasn't AkuRei for example I remember I went hard against FoxAkuma, sorry friends.
I don't remember at what point I returned to my senses and stopped self inserting as Reimu but the guilt was eating me. I shouldn't have listened to your ideas Anon you made me like this but now I'm better.
