>>1291796I'll just post the New Years fanbox.
I am writing this with a lot of emotion, so my story may be strange.
The year 2020 was a year of great change for me, both good and bad.
The Internet and reality have both changed a lot.
And I learned a lot of things. I was able to notice my lacking manners and common sense.
I realized how scary the Internet is.
I was sanctioned for my negligence.
I'm going to accept my mistakes, and I'm going to work hard on my Internet activities, never forgetting the mistakes I've made so that I don't make the same mistakes again.
Back to reality: The first half of this year, up until September and October, was a real hell.
I can't go into details about the first half of it for various reasons.
The latter part, as I think I wrote in my diary before, was really a bad, bad, bad home environment.
I couldn't stand the current situation and tried to kill myself many times to take my life. It ended in failure, though.
I'll skip that part since nothing will come of writing a complaint at the end of the year.
Anyway, it was hard. It was hard. I lived well.
I guess it's more correct to say that I couldn't die rather than that I lived.
Originally, my real life environment was not good, and the Internet was my only playground and place to escape from reality.
When it became difficult to live even on the Internet, I thought it was over.
I jumped from the seventh floor of my apartment building.
I couldn't die. If anything, I didn't even break a bone.
Up until now, I had been able to control my strength a little because I was scared and still had some hope. But on this day, I had no fear, no hope, and really wanted to die.
I'm immortal for nothing.
During my first hospitalization, I didn't want to go back to reality so much that I asked the doctor who came to check my temperature to euthanize me.
I'm embarrassed to say that before I was hospitalized for a stomach ulcer, I was in a crazy state of mind and was thrown into the hospital.
I don't remember exactly what happened there, but it was a mess.
After I was released from the hospital, I went home, but what awaited me was hell, and I was bedridden in my room every day.
I was so stressed out from not being able to live freely and from various other reasons that I developed gastritis.
I want to die, but I can't. It's just too painful. I need your help.
I have always been proud, and I don't like to be thought of as more unhappy or ungrateful than others, so I have never come out on the Internet about my situation.
It's the same at school. I always acted like I was from a normal family, or even a privileged family. I don't like to be pitied.
I didn't like to be pitied.
I didn't like to be ridiculed in a "poor me" kind of way. It made me feel dumb.
