>>1715658>>1716566i have some advice. i think you have a lot of good concepts, but you need to set aside time for revision ideally at every completed line or at least once at the end of the whole passage. the "flow" of the prose is a lot more important in erotica than for other genres, because every little thing that distracts from the reader's attention pauses their building arousal in place or in worse cases, actually sets it back
first of all, there's basic proofreading. tense should be consistent everywhere. it shouldn't be jumping around between lines and *especially* within them. avoid run-ons, keep capitalization and dialogue conventions consistent, avoid punctuation and spelling mistakes, etc. etc. the odd mistake or two tends to just be autocorrected by the brain while quickly parsing, but multiple in succession or a high total count starts to create a nagging distraction in the reader's mind. take the line
>her plan was to try and distract everyone that the food went into a suitmay have benefited you to reread that one
next, when you think of a line in your head, say it out loud before writing it down. you'll probably notice yourself pausing for beats at certain points and/or giving certain words or phrases emphasis. make intentional and frequent use of punctuation and other symbols to ensure that what you write will be naturally read to match that cadence. commas, semicolons, colons, quotes, asterisks, and the like are your friends. in text editors less limiting than the 4chan reply box, italicization and bolding are also viable options, though try to be consistent with how you indicate emphasis if you plan to do it frequently. generally avoid ALL CAPS AS A METHOD OF INDICATING TONE BECAUSE IT DISTRACTS FROM THE MOOD AND DRAWS IN THE READER'S EYES LONG BEFORE AND AFTER THEY GET TO IT. it's fine if it's literally meant to indicate a character shouting in dialogue, and i think your "MOTTO MOTTO" is an appropriate usage.
finally, look for ways to avoid repetition wherever possible, in both specific words and in details you're conveying to the reader. for example,
>one day, polka has an entire audience show up for her circus performance, and polka had a nice magic "trick" planned for her audience todayin your second clause here, you use "polka" again even though there's been no subject change in the interim. it's not *technically* grammatically incorrect, but it doesn't sound good. pronouns should be used instead until such time as the reader could potentially mistake what they're referring to with another subject. even then, ideally avoid referring to your subject in the same way too may times in a row, as you do in the next line and frequently elsewhere throughout. basic descriptors ("the bloating girl", "the hyperactive idol", etc) can fulfill the same purpose of identifying what you're talking about and additionally allow you to inject some description into the scene.
in regards to repetition of information, take the first line again. you lead off with "one day", but just a few words later specify "today". in the fifth line, she "started off with her usual intro", then "started the show". later, "polka began to gorge on the burgers..." and then in the next line, the crowd "didn't realize how quickly polka gorged on the food". you see the redundancy? looking for ways to rephrase things and places to (ironically given the subject matter) trim the fat from the information you're trying to convey can work wonders for making your story sound engaging and natural.
thanks for coming to my ted talk.
