>>17618944Mori does not like Hololive. She resents it. I'm not saying she HATES Hololive but Hololive is at its core, in conflict with who Mori believes she is RIGHT NOW. (She may be able to change, but so far she does not want to) How she views herself, it conflicts with her identity, and to a woman who was bullied a LOT growing up, Mori's identity is the most important thing to her and she will ultimately be in conflict with Hololive as long as she has this black and white view of her so called “identity”. There are a few reasons for this.
The first is imposter syndrome. Mori has stated many times that she doesn't believe she belongs there. And she doesn't, but not for the reasons she thinks (I'll get to this later). She feels guilty that she took the spot from her friend who knew about Hololive. She does not think she is deserving of the huge numbers of subs or viewers or the money she gets. And the reason she feels like this is because she feels it’s not her. She is worried that people are only coming for the anime avatar, or the Hololive brand name. From Mori’s perspective, she was grinding for years in obscurity. Then she joined Hololive and boom she’s famous beyond her wildest dreams and makes what she used to in a year, in a single stream.
Now a normal, mature, well-adjusted person would realize that nobody, not a single one, makes it on their own. Everyone is helped by other people or entities. They would realize that fans are there for the anime avatar, the brand name AND the person behind them. That Mori is not false, not fake, that together the anime avatar, the brand name, and the person herself become something that is stronger than the sum of its parts and that they all need each other to be successful. But because Mori is a stupid immature child who probably read Catcher in the Rye once in high school, she thinks that she has to be “herself” only one way 100% of the time or else she’s fake, she’s phony, she’s just fooling people. It doesn’t help that her ex indie rap “friends” accused her of selling out or that her current Trash Taste “friends” have said similar things. She couldn’t hack it as SatanSquares so she sees that as a rejection as who she is as a person. Thus in her mind, “Calliope Mori” is just the anime avatar and the Hololive brand name and that’s what is successful.
This brings me to the second point. Mori will not adjust to Hololive culture right now. And she doesn’t understand parts of it. She actively strains against it, and it’s not just because of her contrarian nature, although she does have one being a petulant kid. It’s because she’s out to prove that the Hololive culture and the anime avatar aren’t “better than she is” so that’s why she resents acting like an anime girl, resents Hololive culture, and wants to talk about e-celebs and Trash Taste because those are the things that she is interested in and not something that “Calliope Mori” would be into. She still cannot accept that “Calliope Mori” is a part of her and that it’s a symbiotic relationship, a gestalt. To her, if she cannot be successful just “as herself” then she’s a failure. This is why she doesn’t want to change, because it would mean that she was wrong, or that the person she’s been up to this point was wrong. Which to her is like death. People can evolve, they can grow, they can change, but Mori thinks she’s done growing, that she’s an adult, and any change now would just be chipping away at her soul. She sees it as a minus, rather than a plus. She feels uncomfortable in her role, she doesn’t like acting like an anime girl, she doesn’t want to do any of the things that Hololive talents normally do because it’s not something she would normally do.
So ultimately Mori’s solution is to try and change her job to be more like her, drag her culture into it, instead of adapting to what culture already exists. And because Mori has all the subtlety of a bag of hammers and chugs stupid bitch juice all the time, what you get are these awkward moments where it just looks like she doesn’t care about Hololive. Which is wrong, she does, but she cares about “being true to herself” even more and since she’s a retard who can’t into nuance, “being true to herself” and “being true to Hololive” aren’t compatible right now in her mind. That’s why she’s not worth supporting right now until she unfucks herself and realizes that she can be Calliope Mori and change herself a little without compromising herself.
