>>22972559Sorry for the really long post here!
Everyone is going to be different with this and I will agree, it isn't always straightforward. Most people will attempt to let you down easy. Some people know what it's like to want bluntness, so they will be blunt. Some people will endure if the person is absolutely bonkers or mentally ill. A lot of the people I've met that have a hard time learning how to say 'no' are because of previous abusive encounters where that lead to harm to them, so they had to play along. Still, it's something they've gotta learn or they'll eventually learn the hard away through bad misunderstandings or getting manipulated. If you don't want to deal with that, dodge the bullet.
When you think about it, most people are going to be awkward to approach at first and it's expected, you're not going to be 100% comfortable right off the bat and that's ok. You might always be intimidating to some degree since you're a stranger and they don't know exactly what you want, but for some people all social encounters can be.
Some signs if you're not sure if someone new wants to talk to you:
1. They're not contributing a lot on their end in the conversation and neither are they engaged, and are trying to step away. They're not facing you completely and aren't completely engaged. Bonus if they try to say they've got somewhere to be.
2. In Kiara's case, she was trying to point to other tables that were available and didn't want him to sit at her table, and then he sat next to her. We don't know if either of them said anything, but that is a clue in and of itself.
3. If it's not a two-way conversation (similar to 1), then you're not holding a conversation. This is just a general thing for friendships. No one wants to talk to someone that's full of themselves, and on the opposite side of the spectrum, no one wants to feel like they're being interrogated about their life either.
It could be useful to look up how to keep interesting conversations, and to research 'how to tell if people are interested in you'. You won't hit it off with everyone you talk with. It doesn't hurt to look into how to be more sociable, it's a valid of a skill to learn as any. A lot of charisma isn't completely natural and comes from learning how to understand people. On the flip side, you can look up things from the other person's view, such as 'How to tell someone I'm disinterested' and 'How to get out of an awkward conversation'.
You'll be able to tell when someone is more straightforward and blunt and when someone isn't after awhile.
People prefer different types. The people who aren't straightforward probably aren't the type to like to be approached randomly, you should probably only approach those types in appropriate social settings if they look comfortable. Judging by your preferences, you should probably stick to people who are more bold or try to strike conversations in appropriate settings if you're too anxious about the encounter. Social encounters are incredibly nuanced at times. People should respect that you can't read their mind(and some people don't, so they're not worth it anyways), but it's also important to try to catch onto some social cues since people usually try to be nice. This extends to men and women, it's just personality and upbringing. It's a grey area and you don't need to be perfect since there's a huge difference between "that guys fucking creepy", "that was a little weird but ok", "that was a nice person". It's not necessarily the landmine you think it might be.
Going off of the things you said, you seem to be considerate of those things and the other person's interest so you're *probably* fine. Just because you try to talk to someone, doesn't make it immoral or a horrible experience as long as you're... well, being normal. An immoral experience is pestering someone when they've been clear about their disinterest. Someone outwardly villiainizing you off the bat when you're decent is a sign of you dodging a bullet.
It's always best to stick with small talk at first unless you're in an environment where it's fit for conversation, or unless the small talk turns into conversation. This one dude once approached me when I was putting my cart away and started having small talk about the carts since he worked there, but I could barely hear him and it was late at night. It wasn't a bad experience (since I enjoy small talk), I mentioned how I usually shop later in the day since it's not as busy, and it was shockingly busy the night before. It got a little weird when he said he'd try to buy his milk around the time I came in next. That's when things got a little weird, but I think he was just dropping his spaghetti. Still, those kinds of conversations don't really spark friendships very well as we were complete strangers, which is why it's best to stick to groups with similar interests or connections if you want something deeper. (Plus there's the already established fraction of familiarity)
