I've learned somethings about my feelings in the last few days, while being banned for posting an image of Kanata covered in jizz.
I'm going to stop telling the girls I love them. It's too easy for them to misinterpret as in love with them. Not their fault because it's basically a low resolution expression of what I actually mean.
My interest in the girls is multi-faceted. Primarily there's the entertainment aspect. They're obviously a lot of fun. The things I've had the most fun with in my life, it's easy to say that I love those things. Really, it's the memory that im deeply fond of.
The second aspect is physical attraction, I really want to fuck most of them. On one hand it's surprising because I don't really know what they look like, or smell like etc, but on the other hand it isn't surprising at all. Of course I'd want to fuck them, they're really appealing.
The third thing is motivation. For whatever reason I've lived life without ever really wanting anything, the things I do want aren't ever hard to get. I had never felt like developing a skill and when it came to learning I was inquisitive until the topic goes past beginner level and then I would think "I know as much about this as I need to"
I'm different now, trying to learn Japanese has probably been the most difficult thing I've done in my life. I've also seriously been trying to gain weight and exercise. My issue with food is a whole different thing.
Regardless, it's easy to understand why I would go telling these girls I love them because I do. I'm just definitely not in love with them and I don't want them to think I am. Especially since I had been saying it to multiple girls and this part is slightly schizo but I am pretty convinced they're aware of that and have both spoken about it and at least for a moment I think I hurt some of their feelings.
I'm not sure how exactly to be the best fan of Hololive I can be but continuing to improve myself seems like it might be it.
