>>34858631>be on vacation in bongland>see Amelia Watson gliding down the sidewalk>like a graceful penguin with gout>follow her for a block>working up courage>gently touch her shoulder“H-hello, I’m Anon. Y-you’re the prettiest girl I’ve seen all day! W-would you join me for dinner?”
>she spins around nearly smashing me in the balls with an Abercrombie bag>stares intently for a few moments>then breaks into a grin that looks like she could eat an apple through a chain link fence“YEH ORLRITE! FAK IT, WHY NOT? I CUD DO WIV SOME FREE GRUB ANNA LITTLE OF THE OL IN OUT!”
>quickly grab her hand and go into the first restaurant I see that has tablecloths“FAKKIN ELL! POSH ERE INNIT? GLAD I PUT SUM KNICKERS ON!
>she lets out a little giggle that sounds like a horse with it’s leg caught in a wood chipper>head waiter gives me the stinkeye but leads us to a table>Ame cocks her head and squints at the menu“ERE NOW, WATS THIS SHITE? IT’S ORL IN FAKKIN FRENCH! OI CARNT READ THIS, I’LL END UP GETTIN A PLATE OF FAKKIN SNAILS WUNNOI?!?”
>look at the menu. It’s in English, just a fancy script>she shoves her menu at the waiter“I WONT PIE AND MASH DUNNOI. PLENTY OF LIKKER ON THA MASH, GUV!”
“I’m sorry, madam, we don-“
“I SED FAKKIN PIE AND MASH M8! AND A PINTA LARGER FOR ME EDACHE!”
>he slinks away without even taking my order>Amelia pulls a pack of Mayfairs from her cleavage and sparks up, ashing in the bread basket>starts rubbing at her crotch>brings her fingers up and licks them then cackles“JOLLY FAKKIN ELL, IT’S ME TIME! OI LUV GITTIN SHAGGED ONNA RAG! GUNNA AVE US A RED WEDDIN INNA LOO, AIN’T WE?”
>look over my shoulder and franticly signal the waiter for the check>turn around>Ame is slumped over the table>raped to death by Pakis 
