>>34951183Second line absolutely falls apart in terms of lyrical passing and doesn't keep to the beat
"Holo" and "solo" may be a "rhyme" but a short O and a long O create a problem with pitching so it sounds awkward when starting off the end rhyme
"Chuckle" and "fumble" also have an issue, in that the "el" may be there but the "kel" and "bel" don't mesh well, but if you were to replace "fumble" with "crumble" the "kuh" sound would synergize well with the "kuh" at the end of "chuckle"
You should also be careful about dropping starting words for sentences, for example if you added a "just" to the third line you could alleviate the problem from the first complaint since it alters the flow and eliminates the awkwardness between putting out the two lines in succession
All in all, 3/10, see me after class in the alleyway and I'll show you how it's done
