Yes ignore this if you don't care to read it, I think my oshi might have gotten the B word secretly, she's changed so much from the one I knew, especially how she acts towards us, she's very distant these days and like a completely different person. It might seem like jumping to conclusions, but I thought long and hard over it, and I've seen enough rrats around her over this past year that suggested as much, but I chose to believe her words instead and now I'm starting to feel like a fool.
Stuck in limbo now, wanting to move on but unable to because there is that pang of guilt in the back of my mind that made a promise to stay with her forever, and thinks "what if I'm wrong, and what if she goes back to being how she was if I just try harder". I'm kind of her only whale too and I've personally supported her to a ridiculous extent, so there is a bit of sunk cost fallacy too I guess. I don't, and won't ever anti her though, that's just a waste of time.
For now, I just admire other people's oshis from afar, especially yours. I'm a little jealous because I feel like it paid off in your guys' case to stay loyal despite the rrats, and well, here I am lol... kind of karmic justice for reasons I won't get into though. This is the first image of another girl I saved to my hard drive in over a year by the way. Sorry for the ramble. And sorry to the anons who stalk me and know I come here sometimes and are disappointed in reading this, it's hard not to have doubts these days.
You guys really are blessed I hope you know it, please continue to cherish your oshi.
