>>40716810I really loved those two chapters, anon. The idea of a school overrun with girl-bullies is hilarious and Kurokami deserves all the attention she can get.
I do second the other anons pointing out that there just seems… a tiny bit missing when it comes to descriptions etc. It’s not much, but it makes the fic feel just that much faster than it probably should.
A small gripe I also have is that the characters are a bit too one dimensional for my liking. Like Kuro is supposed to be the main girl, but she’s done nothing that would make her likable so far except resolve the Suisei-situation, and that was unintentional. Anon is also too much of a yes-man imo, I’d love to see more development on him.
Also, considering you’re HJ-anon, a little advice considering the release of your chapters: slow down. Anons may call you a writing beast for releasing 2-5 chapters at once, but I would bet money that it actually keeps a good chunk of people from dipping into your work at all - which would be a shame, considering it’s a really fun read so far. I’d release the story chapter by chapter - that probably works better for all those zoomers with short attention spans ITT and give you more traction.
Anyways, keep up the good work! Again: I really enjoyed what you have so far.
>>40724121Fuck Auntieanon, I’m gonna say it and I want you to take it as a compliment: Besides Fubuki and fluff, I hate everything about these tags. And yet, I can’t hate the story.
Your style of writing is really compelling and the world building is exceptional (not a surprise considering what else you have written so far).
I do find the switches between perspectives a bit clunky at times, as the others pointed out, but I get what you’re trying to do from a storytelling perspective.
Keep up the good work, I’m sure I’ll love-hate it in the future, too. In the end, telling a story is about making the reader feel things… and that I certainly do with ALS.
also, we’re not getting a proper conclusion to “to be 17 again” because shota-anon has to bang his auntie… I’m ngmi 
