I have to confess /vt/.
I want my oshi to suffer. If she had happy healthy life and was successful, had a lot of superchats, dedicated fans, no antis and never have been involved in any drama, she wouldn't be nearly as interesting to me. I want her to suffer so I could be savoirfag. I want her to go to bed at 5 A.M. and wake up 1 hour later from a nightmare so I could be concernfag and write in chat "go to sleep" every time she does endurance stream.
I want to see her crying on stream, hearing how her voice breaks and how she sniffs as tears going down her cheeks is like music to my ears.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hater. In fact, I'm very sympathetic towards most chuubas, and when they are sad, I am also sad. I can feel their pain, and sometimes I even cry with them. Seeing a 2D girl crying online is a hell of an experience, since it's not anime, you know that the feelings are real, but it feels quite surreal, isn't it?
I can say that I want her to be OK. The fact that she's not OK is the only reason I care about her in the first place. I want to care.
I know I'm not the only one.