>>42562951>I guess I just want to make sure the last 20% of the story or so follows a similar quality and structure, because I rushed it out at the last minute with little editing. There were a few things I wanted to add like more vocal dirty talk that I haven't gotten to yet.If you're referring to criticism on the objective side - grammar, spelling, punctuation, structure et cetera - I can't help you there. I'm sure there are probably minute errors, but if there are then those are errors only the most erudite of linguistics professors could pick up on.
If you're looking for subjective personal feedback, then I can surely do that. The double-headed dildo scene didn't do anything for me in the slightest and, having come back to bust to the anal again tonight, I actually LOST a portion of the chub that the lubing scene gave me simply because I was bored reading it.
I can go further into detail if you'd like and offer suggestions, but if you do want that then please say so as frankly I consider feedback that comes down to a difference in taste to be worthless and thus am hesitant to impart you with it.
Something that I feel more strongly about is the anal sex during the climax of the story; I understand you're trying to include both of them, but I don't believe shooting half a creampie in one girl, whipping your dick out and shooting the other half of your creampie in the next girl is the right way to do it. I do believe an individual focus would have been better and, to follow off the dildo scene, I would have selected the first recipient of the creampie express based on whomever achieved orgasm first.
