Anon, I want to play a game.
In front of you is two boxes, one large and one small. You will see that the small box is made out of impenetrable steel and is secured by two padlocks, each requiring a key to open. Inside of the second box, which you may open now if you wish, is a large kitchen knife, a surgical saw, and a scalpel. Choose whichever you prefer. You will also find a hot iron on the table beside you, so be careful. It's incredibly hot.
While you were unconscious, I took the liberty of cutting open your balls and putting a small key inside of each of them. When I finish talking, you will have two minutes to cut off each of your balls, cauterize the wound so that you don't bleed to death, and recover both keys.
Inside of the smaller box, you will find several items. The key to exit this room, immigration papers to the United Kingdom, our marriage certificate, and your wedding band. I have the other.
In exactly two minutes after I finish speaking, the nail bomb underneath the table you sit at will detonate, killing you likely quickly and likely relatively painlessly. Should you succeed, and escape this room, we will begin our happy, married life together.
The game begins... now.
